Best Interview

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself
 
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology
 
Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting anadmission into it ..What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in12th. I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can notinvest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "Iwill never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years.. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned

Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower'education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata Info Tech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?


Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I knowWord and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like -'Show stoppers ' , 'hot fixes','SEI-CMM','quality','version control','deadlines' , 'CustomerSatisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much.1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand. 2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.3. I believe in flexi-timings.4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to weart-shirt and jeans. 5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, soas to avoid breakdown due to over work.6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short termpreferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in ourorganization. In fact I was never entertained so much before.

Welcome to INFOSYS.

The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management'

Self Appraisal - A Beautiful Story

A little boy went to a telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a  store and dialed a number.

The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

Boy: "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?

Woman: (at the other end of the phone line) "I  already have someone to cut my lawn."

Boy: "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than   the person who cuts your lawn now."

Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is  presently cutting my lawn.

 Boy: (with more perseverance) "Lady, I'll even sweep the floor  and the stairs of your house for free.

Woman: No, thank you.

With a smile on his face, the little  boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this,  walked over to the boy.

Store Owner: "Son... I like  your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a  job."

Boy : "No thanks
Store Owner:  But you were really pleading for one.

Boy: No Sir, I was just  checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is  working for that lady I was talking to!"

This is called  - "Self  Appraisal"

பிரிவு

இதயத்துடிப்பை வைத்து

என்னக்கு இன்னும் உயிர் இருக்கிறது என்றார்கள்

ஆனால் என் இதயமோ துடிக்கிறது

என் உயிர் தோழி பிரிந்ததனால்

புன்னகை

ஓரு சின்ன புன்னகயால் காயம் எற்படுமா?

ஆம்.

காயப்பட்டுவிட்டது என் இதயம் ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

இனிப்பு

இன்னும் இனிக்கிறது
நீ கொடுத்த முதல் முத்தம் ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Tragic Love Story

A pig fell in love with a hen and proposed. One day the pig gave a ring and kissed.
Next day the pig died of Bird Flu and the hen died of Swine Flu.
What a tragedy….. Lol !!!!

Tears

வானம் பொய்தது
வறண்ட பூமி
காய்ந்துபோன வயல்வெளிகள்
ஆனாலுல் என் கண்களில் மட்டும் ஈரம்
இது உன் பிறிவு தந்த மழை

WHY ?????

Ever wondered???

If swimming is a good exercise to stay fit, then why are Whales fat ?

Why is the place in a stadium where people sit, called ‘STAND’?

Why is that everyone wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die ?

Shall I say there is racial discrimination in chess as the white piece is moved first ?

In a country of free speech, why do we have telephone bills ?

If Money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Why doesn't glue stick to its bottle?

Why do u still call it building when it is already built?

If it is true that we are here to help others, Then what are others here for?

If you aren't suppose to drink and drive. Then why do bars have parking lots?

Diana - Princess of Wales

Diana, Princess of Wales (1 July 1961 – 31 August 1997) was the first wife of Charles, Prince of Wales. Their sons, Princes William and Henry, are second and third in line to the thrones of the United Kingdom and fifteen other Commonwealth Realms.

Diana was the youngest daughter of John Spencer and Frances. She was born at Park House, Sandringham in Norfolk, England on 1 July 1961 at 6.45 in the evening and was baptised on August 30, 1961 at St. Mary Magdalene Church by the Rt. Rev. Percy.

Diana became engaged to Prince Charles, February 24, 1981.

Diana married Prince Charles, July 29, 1981

Diana helped to fight discrimination against Aids victims. She set an example by showing kindness and compassion to the afflicted, changing public perception about the disease.

Diana admired strong women, from Mother Teresa to Madonna to Margaret Thatcher.

Diana died August 31, 1997, following an accident in the Pont D'Alma tunnel in Paris, when the car she was traveling in crashed into the 13th pillar. Diana wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

Diana's funeral was held September 6, 1997 and was watched by approximately 2.5 billion people. She was laid to rest in a long black dress, holding rosary beads given to her by Mother Teresa. Her grave is on an island in an ornamental lake (The Round Oval) in Althorp Park. Thirty-six oak trees, symbolizing each year of her life, lead to the lake. 4 black swans swim in the lake, symbolically guarding the island.

Quotes by Princess Diana
"I would like to be a queen in the hearts of the people."

“The worst illness of our time is that so many people have to suffer from never being loved.”

BIG trouble boss

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacherraised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.

GOD is missing, and they think we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Byk Show